The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize