I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
