I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
