paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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