Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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