apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There's a naked man in my car right now.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
