the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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