i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He? As in you personified your dick?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
