Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
