she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
