break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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