all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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