she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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