people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we're making bets on your personal life
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
