I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
