dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
