Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
