saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
