Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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