So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
