Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
