You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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