i may or may not be watching the land before time
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
