The beers last night were like the tears from god
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
