I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
