Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
