i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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