Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
