Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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