dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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