he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
