Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
