me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have fence marks all over my body
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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