She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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