just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
