Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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