I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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