Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
