he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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