Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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