from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize