I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
