I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
