highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
