I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
