I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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