Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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