I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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