I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
