What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
