I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
