I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
they're like a gay fantastic four
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
