If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
