I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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