i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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