I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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