Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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