i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
