My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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