I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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